Saturday, July 15, 2006

For IIUM

Dear Readers,
It has recently come to my attention that the contents of my blog have been the subject of a discussion with some lecturers in my beloved institution the International Islamic University Malaysia. The post in question was regarding my views of the degrading idiocy my fellow Muslim brethren have lowered themselves to following the publication of caricatures of the Prophet. (Post: Blasphemy! Kill the Infidels!!) Some lecturers in my faculty have chosen to take this opportunity to declaim that I am "the next Malik Imtiaz" (whatever that means) and that I am supporting the "non-Muslims" and therefore being a traitor to the religion. The lecturers that have their heads and hearts in the right place however, choose to defend my position and say that my posting actually made sense.
To both these groups I say thank you.
Freedom of expression extends to my writing and to those people that will object and protest against it. I am flattered that such learned academics would actually find the humble scratchings of an undergrad such an interesting topic of discussion and spend so much of their time discussing it instead of their usual discussions on how to improve the educational experience of IIUM.
Therefore...This next post is going to be dedicated to Muslims and their attitude.
If you ask this humble Muslim what the major problem of the Ummah is, I would answer it in a few parts
1) HYPOCRISY
We Muslims have become a group of people who have been blinded by their own rhetoric and plain stupidity. Why do I say this? Its because we rail against the injustice of Israel, the biasness of America, the unfairness of the world in general, but we forget and and even sometimes justify the bombings of innocent children and women in buses and streets of Israel, we still use American technology and weapons to "defend the Ummah", and we still ask for aid and monetary help from the "unfair infidels" of the world.
Is this hypocrisy? Yes it is... and it is so much a part of Muslim culture that we don't even pay it a second glance. Why do you think we are the rats that feed on the trash of the world's progress now? Why do you think that our glorious so called "civilization" has been in decline since the time of the Prophet? Its because we have become self righteous fools that seem to think that whatever we do is right by Divine Will and that we can do no wrong. An absolute disgrace to the traditions and the principles of the Prophet. Why? Because The Prophet would never have perpetrated such a disgusting array of violent behavior and destruction against anyone. He would have tried to win their hearts and minds by leading and setting an example.
We have become a people so enmeshed with the ritualistic elements of our religion that we forget the spiritual aspect of it. How many of us really think about Allah during our daily prayers? How many Muslims really understand the various connotations of fasting and the reasons why we do? More often than not we do it merely to fulfill and empty feeling of obligation and not for the love of our Creator. Do you think that our children should grow up in a world where our only understanding of Islam is that you should not drink, eat pork and have sex before marriage, instead of the understanding that Allah loves His creations and knows what is best for us? And you wonder why the current generation of Muslims around the world are increasingly disillusioned by the constant religious rhetoric coming from our so called "scholars".
But then...I may be a hypocrite too
2) IGNORANCE
I find it sad that Muslims have now resorted to village idiots as leaders, people who have had no experience, no vision and no ability whatsoever in being good leaders are chosen just because of the way they look or they how Islamic they seem to be on the outside. If you wear a white jubbah and a kopiah you are instantly looked upon as someone who is "Islamic" Multiply that by ten if you have a spectacular beard to go with the outfit and you are all set to be the next mufti.
Its sad that young brats my age think that they have the right to go moral policing other individuals in the streets just because they came from a religious background. Its downright disgusting that the only Islamic party in the country vomits religious rhetoric and calls others infidels when its own manifesto lacks a long term economic plan for the country. You expect money an investment to fall from the sky on your lap is it? Or do you think that Allah will save this country when we are economically bankrupt?
I find these Muslims just plain ignorant because they fail to understand that Islam is a religion that goes beyond the ordinary, it is a way of life...You can't have Islamic Law and the Hudud punishment imposed in a country that doesn't firstly practice Islamic welfare, Islamic banking and Islamic spirituality. Go ahead make Islamic Law and issue...rail against the so called "unbelievers" that object against it being implemented, that's your right, but understand first, that the Prophet only implemented the Hudud punishment in its fullest form when he had a functional Islamic civilization and not before. Do we have that in Malaysia? No.
What do we have? We have "mullahs" that have nothing better to do than brand others as infidels, we have political leaders that are too busy lining their pockets to really care about the little guy, we have school teachers whose grasp of Islam and its facets is tentative at best, teaching our children, we have parliamentary sessions which discuss Siti Nurhaliza and Mawi. Is that an Islamic civilization? Judge for yourself...
But then...I may be ignorant too
What do we have? We have a writer that is increasingly frustrated at the narrow mindedness and pettiness of his fellow brethren, we have a writer that is astounded at the level of unnecessary, avoidable and ignorance driven violence that is committed in the name of a religion that promotes peace and tolerance. We have a writer that cannot understand how these people sleep at night knowing that they have harmed another...
To my lecturers, please feel free to disagree with me and call me names, but leave a comment so i know who you are and that i know your standpoint on this issue, after all, the Prophet does not condone backbiting. I am merely a humble student who wishes to be enlightened by expressing his opinions, and i would be honored indeed if i am shown my mistakes.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I Lied Honestly

Honest...something i have always taken great pains to be regardless of the consequences. I am a firm believer in the phrase "The Truth Shall Set You Free" But sometimes this policy brings you more harm than good actually. Like when a woman asks me "Fareez honey, do you think i gained weight?" Me being totally clueless when it comes to womanly rhetorical questions, naturally would either answer Yes or No depending on the actual size increase for the woman in question, Goodyear Blimp...Yes! Telegraph Pole...No! Simple right guys???

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

Women, that insane, confused, undeniably beautiful, intriguing species, WANTS YOU TO LIE TO HER! and the best part is SHE KNOWS YOU LIED!
This puts us in a nice cosy corner doesn't it?...She wants you to be totally honest with her BUT yet wants you to lie when it suits her. Thats fine, i can deal with that, but the problem starts becoming worse when you DON'T KNOW WHEN it suits her.

So i have put my meager amount of gray matter to work and come up with answers that will get guys like me out of the stupid hole women like to put us into:

Q: Am i fat? (Guys...when you hear this...RUN!)
A: No dear, you are just the way i like you to be (for honest dudes like me you can mutter 'well filled' under your breath to make peace with God for lying)

Never say:
A: Yes...so whats for dinner?
A: Well...that depends on which country you are from...Have you seen the women in Tonga? Damn! Now thats big! Whats for dinner?
A: Hey its all good honey...more cushion for the pushin uknow what i mean?? *wink*
Other Female Questions Of Slow And Rancid Death To The Male Species
Q: Do you think i'm stupid?
Q: Why were you looking at that woman?
Q: Do you want to go shopping?
Q: Is she more good looking than i am?
Q: Do you think i look good in this?
Q: Were you listening?
Q: Is playing that video game more important than listening to me?
In other words guys...just tell her what she wants to hear and she will be happy. Be honest and face the consequences. Don't say i didn't warn you.
Q: Do you think i look good in this?
A: Nope
Q: Why? (first signs of danger...eyebrows come together and her eyes narrow)
A: Because the jeans makes you look like a kebab (WRONG !!! WRONG!!! WRONG !!!)
Q: A kebab?? are you insulting me? are you saying that i'm fat (voice becomes shrill and forehead starts getting all wrinkly)
A: I'm not insulting you, i'm just saying that you in that jeans reminds me of a kebab... (starts to cower in fear of razor sharp nails raking his face)
Q: Is it my skin then? does it look like pita bread to you?
A: No honey... (reaches out to hold her hand)
Q: DON'T TOUCH ME ! (yanking it away in a dramatic sweep worthy of an Oscar)
A: Ok ok honey...listen you look fabulous ok...get the jeans, maybe i was just hungry ok everything looks like kebabs to me now.
Q: Stop lying...you just said i look like a kebab...that means i'm fat and ugly. And whats this about you looking at other women?
A: I don't think kebabs are fat and ugly...i think they are rather good to eat right about now...oohh there's a Kyros over there! Other women? What other women?
Q: You just said everything looks like kebabs to you...so you were looking at other women right?
A: Everything...wha? Sigh (Looks defeated but doesn't know the worst is yet to come)
Q: Are you listening? You never listen to me and now you think i'm fat and ugly. STOP THAT! Why were you looking at that other woman with the low cut blouse?
A: Low cut? Where? Oh you mean the woman with the kebab in her hands?
Q: I know what you were looking at you lying...I'm leaving!
A: Huh? Can we have dinner first?
Q: No take me back home NOW!
A: Bungkus? Please?
Q: NO...NOW! (stomps off in a fuming rage and expects you to follow even if she is going to your car and you have the keys)
A: Huh?? (Looks perplexed for a while until he realises that she looks really nice from the back with her head held high....and then smiles to himself)
You can't win with women my brothers...best to face the facts now. Beautiful creatures and incredibly complex...but fragile. Come to think of it, just like a work of art.
Allah must have put them on this Earth just to teach us that not everything is black and white, not everything is as simple as we like to make them. Sometimes my friends...sometimes it takes a woman to get things right.