Honest...something i have always taken great pains to be regardless of the consequences. I am a firm believer in the phrase "The Truth Shall Set You Free" But sometimes this policy brings you more harm than good actually. Like when a woman asks me "Fareez honey, do you think i gained weight?" Me being totally clueless when it comes to womanly rhetorical questions, naturally would either answer Yes or No depending on the actual size increase for the woman in question, Goodyear Blimp...Yes! Telegraph Pole...No! Simple right guys???WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!
Women, that insane, confused, undeniably beautiful, intriguing species, WANTS YOU TO LIE TO HER! and the best part is SHE KNOWS YOU LIED!
This puts us in a nice cosy corner doesn't it?...She wants you to be totally honest with her BUT yet wants you to lie when it suits her. Thats fine, i can deal with that, but the problem starts becoming worse when you DON'T KNOW WHEN it suits her.
So i have put my meager amount of gray matter to work and come up with answers that will get guys like me out of the stupid hole women like to put us into:
Q: Am i fat? (Guys...when you hear this...RUN!)
A: No dear, you are just the way i like you to be (for honest dudes like me you can mutter 'well filled' under your breath to make peace with God for lying)
Never say:
A: Yes...so whats for dinner?
A: Well...that depends on which country you are from...Have you seen the women in Tonga? Damn! Now thats big! Whats for dinner?
A: Hey its all good honey...more cushion for the pushin uknow what i mean?? *wink*
Other Female Questions Of Slow And Rancid Death To The Male Species
Q: Do you think i'm stupid?
Q: Why were you looking at that woman?
Q: Do you want to go shopping?
Q: Is she more good looking than i am?
Q: Do you think i look good in this?
Q: Were you listening?
Q: Is playing that video game more important than listening to me?
In other words guys...just tell her what she wants to hear and she will be happy. Be honest and face the consequences. Don't say i didn't warn you.
Q: Do you think i look good in this?
A: Nope
Q: Why? (first signs of danger...eyebrows come together and her eyes narrow)
A: Because the jeans makes you look like a kebab (WRONG !!! WRONG!!! WRONG !!!)
Q: A kebab?? are you insulting me? are you saying that i'm fat (voice becomes shrill and forehead starts getting all wrinkly)
A: I'm not insulting you, i'm just saying that you in that jeans reminds me of a kebab... (starts to cower in fear of razor sharp nails raking his face)
Q: Is it my skin then? does it look like pita bread to you?
A: No honey... (reaches out to hold her hand)
Q: DON'T TOUCH ME ! (yanking it away in a dramatic sweep worthy of an Oscar)
A: Ok ok honey...listen you look fabulous ok...get the jeans, maybe i was just hungry ok everything looks like kebabs to me now.
Q: Stop lying...you just said i look like a kebab...that means i'm fat and ugly. And whats this about you looking at other women?
A: I don't think kebabs are fat and ugly...i think they are rather good to eat right about now...oohh there's a Kyros over there! Other women? What other women?
Q: You just said everything looks like kebabs to you...so you were looking at other women right?
A: Everything...wha? Sigh (Looks defeated but doesn't know the worst is yet to come)
Q: Are you listening? You never listen to me and now you think i'm fat and ugly. STOP THAT! Why were you looking at that other woman with the low cut blouse?
A: Low cut? Where? Oh you mean the woman with the kebab in her hands?
Q: I know what you were looking at you lying...I'm leaving!
A: Huh? Can we have dinner first?
Q: No take me back home NOW!
A: Bungkus? Please?
Q: NO...NOW! (stomps off in a fuming rage and expects you to follow even if she is going to your car and you have the keys)
A: Huh?? (Looks perplexed for a while until he realises that she looks really nice from the back with her head held high....and then smiles to himself)
You can't win with women my brothers...best to face the facts now. Beautiful creatures and incredibly complex...but fragile. Come to think of it, just like a work of art.
Allah must have put them on this Earth just to teach us that not everything is black and white, not everything is as simple as we like to make them. Sometimes my friends...sometimes it takes a woman to get things right.
42 comments:
Hahaha, this one is good..
Like some teledrama...U could win an oscar for this Fareez..
Honestly(keyword of the day)-I love an honest answer. Yeah I know I'm leaving in an idealistic world where everything should be white and black and emotions should be more logical and based on facts.It seems that they can't be logical..so I ditch the emotinal part. Because no matter how hard the truth is..I rather face that than living in a lie.
....you know, your whole post...
it reminded of why the male gender is on the other hand gifted with the 'game'..to counter the female gender..!! haha..
dats why its important to get your game on and show 'em whos the boss, who wears the boots..! =) rite??
Good one Fareez. Hahahaha... Very true to.
I'd rather think that the reason men were created first was because they are drafts before the first prototype. Follow this line of thought and we shall have a lovely battle of the sexes. Lolz.
Either way, I agree with Zati. Better to see it as it is and die now rather than a slow death later on.
~Azira.
Sounds from experience : )....
Did u told ur gal that she looks like kebab? If u did, I am suprised u r still alive to tell the tale.
Bwahaha
That's true. Women don't want honesty. They want to see you squirm. It's payback for the stuff you're doing and will do in the future.. like NOT get PMS and NOT get pregnant. and NOT give birth. and NOT get cellulite. and NOT get-- I could do this all day.
Frankly, Fareez, if this is troubling you as much as it is. Most of the girls I know, don't do this. Ask you no questions and you'll tell us no lies,yes? Besides, if I look like Shamu, there's always the mirror to tell me. And if you think I look like Shamu and its problem, you wouldn't be WITH me would you?
My only problem with males is that you can't trust them.
Meor
Game? Monopoly i know...the rest i gave up a looong time ago.
Melor
hmmm...so thats why women don't last long with me :-)
Zati
ah zati...you were always exceptional.
Azira
Hello there...humph...thats what you say now. Kau tunngu la...
Kye:
you can't trust us huh...its ok. We can't understand you.
The girls you know huh...send them my regards. tell them i don't believe they exist and i cordially invite them to prove me wrong...
:-)
you know what guys....
this discussion is going no where...
its like (not trying to pin point anyone) the blind leading the blind...mute, ignorant, vengefull, generally not too happy with life dude, feminist...the list goes on..
haha!
look, lets face it...
yes all of us have different views on boys and girls, what should go where, what shouldnt be there in the first place...
for gurls to hide behind pms, pregnancies, bla bla..is just soo lame..
same goes for boys who use the "not my fault you guys are confused lil' beings"..haha..
so lets just call it truce aite??
(stare at everyone wif sad lil' puppy eyes...) =)
Laughes my head off reading this post.. then.. thinks to myself.. daym we are one heck of a confused being here... and what more... daym we do make u simple minded creatures feel more dumb and confused than u are initially when it comes to us the ladies... hehe..
To da ladies... dont be so hard on the guy... not all guys are dumb...
To da dudes... dont be so hard on the ladies... not all girls are as bad as that...
hehe..
Truce? I prefer the word listen and compromise...
pompuan nak kene menang gak!..isshh..
tak nak kalah betul..!
....hahaha
sudah sudah...truce..listen...compromise...semantics ok. thats why maybe we don't get along...we have different words for everything...
Man: i'm hungry
What a woman hears: I don't care about your feelings and i'm a caveman who only thinks of his stomach even when i'm emotionally vulnerable and want to share.
Man: I'm sleepy
What a woman hears: I don't care about your feelings and i'm a caveman who only thinks of himself even when i'm emotionally vulnerable and want to share.
Man: Ok honey lets sit down and have a little emotional sharing shall we? so how do you feel about your job?
What a woman hears: I'm gay.
to women out there.
just dont ask these questions to a man.
ask ur mother instead.
truth coming from a mother doesnt hurt too bad. and we will ALWAYS listen.
Woitz!!! what happend to truce?!?! what happened to compromise?!?! tak baik tau.. *sheesh*
*sigh* Suka hati kamu lah labu... Point is that whatever we do or say.. we (the ladies) without a doubt know that u men maybe although u cant live with us but more than anything you men CANNOT live without us...
"Man: Ok honey lets sit down and have a little emotional sharing shall we? so how do you feel about your job?
What a woman hears: I'm gay."
Nyihahahahaha... not really. I think they're called metrosexuals.
Fareez, that's what you get from posting controversial stuff on ur blogs ;)
dont you guys have other better things to do!???....like wash your clothes? cut your finger nails? mow the lawn? ride a boat??
....all of you??
Im really sorry... I dont have much or "better things" to do... Thought i'd make this more heated up..
Show both sided of the story...
-->Men Are Hard To Please<--
The problems with GUYS:
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u ! BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMENT.
! If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!!
Guys have their own quirks as well.. Fair enough? ;)
oho...them be some fighting words!!
Yes we have quirks...but you women have wierder ones..
Here we go:
Why Women Are Hard To Please:
If you give her a Gift, you are trying to Buy her affections...If you Don't you're Cheap.
If you find her sexually attractive you are a sex maniac...if you don't then she gets depressed
If you listen to her problems...you will never "understand"...but if you don't you are insensitive
If you look at other women...you don't appreciate her...but if you focus entirely on her, you are being obsessive
If you choose to work hard *smile*...you are worrying her and she gets pissed off...but if you don't you're lazy and undependable
If you scold her when she does somethin wrong you are being dictatorial...but if you don't you don't care about her enough
When you watch football with the guys...you don't care about her...but when she goes shopping with the girls suddenly its "quality time"
when you ask her whats wrong...she says "nothing" and keeps quiet...but if you don't ask you are a unfeeling bastard
If you are jealous...you are being unreasonable...but if she is then its suddenly your fault.. you two timing uncaring piece of trash
i could go on for days...but i'll stop here :-)
For all your nonsense....we still love ya don't worry.
LoL
Well i could still go on... but i'l stop here and make the guy feel good for once...
Dont worry, we know u do... ;p
Awww...come on...giving up already? Just when it was getting fun too... :-)
i'm going to pay for this when you get back aren't i??
Sigh..C'est La Vie...
Fareez, before I feature you in my blog after this you'd better let sleeping dogs lie...it may bite you.
ahh..
fareez my friend....
this is a lil taste of the future for you my bro...
as the malay saying goes;
'buku sudah bertemu ruas..!'
hahah..! enjoy! and remmember, you brought this upon yourself..
..nabila doesnt seem to look that innocent anymore does she??
ill sit here quitely and be the 'batu api' who gleefully pours petrol into the bon fire... =)
Azira
feature me in your blog?? Don't la...i'm not worthy oh Exalted Woman Blogger Person Who Has A Nice Blog And Who Writes About Danial Being Gentlemanly And Stuff And Her New House Which She Wants To Find Roomies For.... :-)
Meor
Batu Api huh...better get rid of the batu in your head first sebelum nak berangan jadi batu api ok... shafting is caring meor :-)
hey!no fair! how come only fareez gets to be featured?? =)lucky fareez!
hmmm...batu in my head?? heheh..wat abt getting rid of that batu that drive around..yg takde power steering tuh..heavy as a rock!.heeh..shafting is indeed caring..i agree... =)
oooo...getting all rough are we? How bout trimming that sarang lipas on your head before something starts living in it without you knowing about it?
Oh yeah...and that car is anytime more macho than that kuih pau with pondan power steering that you drive ok...hah!
Hahaha.. Such fine words there Meor! I kesiankan "batu".. tak pasal-pasal kena associated kan dengan things as such...
Ahhh... See these men, i actually wanted to call a truce and make u feel like u'v won for once, u accuse me of giving up..
Well dont blame me cos you asked for it man!
GIRL
When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.
When a girl looks down,
It means she’s uncomfortable.
When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after afew seconds,
She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
She wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says "I love you",
She means it (in most cases compared to guys).
When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a GIRL says "I miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than that.
When a GIRL is jealous about other people seeing you more than she does,
its because she loves you and misses you so much.
When a GIRL is quiet
Millions of things are running in her mind.
GUYS
When a GUY is quiet
He is just sleepy and bored.
When a GUY is not arguing
He is in good mood.
When a GUY looks at u with eyes full of questions
He is wondering why u love him.
When a GUY answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds
He actually means it.
When a GUY stares at you
He obviously has nothing else to stare at.
When a GUY lays on your chest
He hopes he can feel the things on ur chest that is supporting him.
When a GUY calls you everyday
He is just lonely.
When a GUY wants to see you everyday
He just wants to make sure that ur not cheating on him.
When a GUY sms's u everyday
He expects you to reply at least once.
When a GUY says I love you
He is just fooling around, unless he actually means it.
When a GUY says that he can't live without you
Then there is something wrong with his brain.
When a GUY says "i miss you"
He wants to see ur face again just in case he is going to die soon.
Dare u ask for more??
Oh yeah i forgot... peace out! LoL.. jangan marah aahh.. hehehe...
You Go Nabila!!! We do rock huh!!
Taking sides is not my thing..But nabila do sound much much more convincing..In comparing who's better..A job well done there nabila..
And as for fareez and alif..
Fareez, i think your "rock" needs some repairs for the door handle(esp the driver's)..But your "rock" RocKs!! it's all in the name man!
Alif, I know u'll find your "sarang lipas" convenient, u can put your pens..rocks.. or even your car keys.But as a law eagle, your cosy little "sarang lipas" needs to go..sorry dear.
Who is better..Who reigns supreme is not the matter really..whether u wanna call it a truce..u wanna call it compromise or listen...it's not important because it's only a whole bunch of....words..
In the end of the day, it all goes down to understanding..and it's not just a word..It might be vague..yes..but it's there.
This is the best part,God created us in pairs to complete us...Yeah the girl can be all emotional about how the next baju raya colour scheme should be..that is why we need men to add some sense of practicality..The guy can oversee things...that's why we need women to remind them aniversary dates,birtdays and where they put their car keys..
One of the brilliant ways God wanna tell us a message...
God I took a lot of space..muahaha
Take care u guys.play nice!
-zati-
oklah...truce ok? We shall agree to disagree on this :-)
I feel hungry...kebabs anyone? ;-)
hehe.. Thank You Zati.. and that aint nothing yet.. i have a few more up my sleeves... but theyre just afraid to take up the challenge and lose in the end...
Copy-paste "Awww...come on...giving up already? Just when it was getting fun too... :-)"
What happned to that huh? hehe..
i hope this was satire...
see...you can never win with these women...just as you decide to be diplomatic and give in and be nice and friendly. They turn around and kick you. Sigh...
Copy-paste:
To da ladies... dont be so hard on the guy... not all guys are dumb...
To da dudes... dont be so hard on the ladies... not all girls are as bad as that...
hehe..
Truce? I prefer the word listen and compromise...
What happened to that??
:-) Two days left...
Maryam:
Satire?...no no my dear, this is quite real i assure you :-) Why do you want it to be satire?
It has been said by an Authoritative source that 'women are the ornaments of the Earth', they are what make life beautiful.
Our mothers, daughters, sisters, comrades.
My salutation to all women.
From the Duke himself.
Hahaha, so funny this entry. Man I miss sitting down and talking nonsense with people who understand me.
Mr Duke of York
It has been a while my friend
how are things?
Lin
Hello woman...hows korea so far?
bila balik ha? balik la...balik la ok...korea tak best...balik la please?
eyh, just to clear this up..
i loovvee my women ok..
realy nothing against 'em, but just wished sometimes that they would be more rational...rather than emotional and irrational...
lets face it, emotions can only take you so far...
and stop picking on my pau, and my hair.
cos, at least im not balding nor is age getting to me anytime soon,
and my at leats the doors to my pau works tho everything else is manually operated...
ahh..
i think this post really examplified the saying..
"women...they cant live with you, but they also cant live without you.."
haha.. =)
*cos, at least im not balding nor is age getting to me anytime soon,
and at least the doors to my pau works tho everything else is manually operated...
Eleh.. who told u to provoke me? Yea lah yea lah.. Truce...
Yes we cant live without you and you cant live without us..
Fair enough?
And yeah... just for the record, i might have something against the things they do or act but i dont hate man nor anything.. i love em.. They just have to be more sensitive rather than egoistical when dealing with delicate beings like us...
Peace? hehe..
YOU come visit me here. how's that? :P
because i'd hope less stereotypical representations of male-female behavior from YOU of all the people mr-debater-there-are-always-two-sides-to-a-story-i-kick-mmu's-butt-while-I-sleep FAREEZ :P
Maryam:
Yes there are always two sides to the story...but sometimes its more fun and provides more room for open debate if i present only one side :-)
Don't get me wrong miss-maryam-ansari-momo-writer-studying-too much-for-her-own-good-woman-with-no-plans-to-return-to-Malaysia-and see-me-and-get-her-postcards-anytime-soon...
I looooooove women...because i definitely don't loooooove men. I just get a little puzzled sometimes :-)
Wow.. who'd think such an 'everyday' topic could garner such intense comments? This was fun to read..
Big Ups Bhai!
There's a kyros kebab in IIU. hehe... im not such a kebab person tho..
-dan
p/s no real comments to make. just posting for the fun of it :P
My guy thinks I have a kebab face. What the heck... at least its edible. Hohhh!
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